A Touch and a Smile
by smile-like-santana
Summary: Quinntana. After Brittany broke Santana's heart by choosing Artie, Santana turned into an even bigger bitch than she already was. The only one who ever gave her a bit of comfort was Quinn and now, Santana can't stop thinking about her. Will Quinn ever feel the same? Will Santana overcome her fear of love? Slightly AU, but not much. Rating can change later on. Will be updated soon.
1. That Gesture

**A Touch and a Smile – Chapter One: That Gesture**

There she is; just sitting, doing… nothing and still being the most beautiful girl Santana's ever seen. The ex-cheerleader leans her head on her hand and stares. Fuck math. That girl is more important than this stupid lesson. When the blonde girl tucks a strand behind her ear Santana smiles. The strand of hair is just a little bit too short to stay behind her ear and in a few second it'll be back to its original position, in front of those gorgeous, hazel eyes.

Santana couldn't believe herself. This had been going on for months now. After she had told Brittany that she loved her, and the blonde chose Artie, she hadn't been able to really function. All she did was sit at home, cry and be an even bigger bitch to anyone who even dared to come near her. She had been crushed.

But then, one day; that all changed.

Quinn hadn't done anything special, hadn't really said anything at all. She had just given her a small smile, and a touch of her hand, as if to say that she understood that what Santana was going through, was hard. That she understood why Santana was acting like this. It had come as a surprise to the Latina. She had just been a total asshole to Quinn, saying that she should get her post-pregnant ass out of her way. Quinn was just standing at the entrance of the choir room, so Santana couldn't walk through the door. Quinn had just turned to her quite bitchy friend and done that gesture. That smile with that touch before she looked down and walked inside.

Since then, Santana's thoughts hadn't stopped wandering to Quinn. She knew she was in trouble, she knew that she had a crush on the blonde, and as much as she tried to push it away, it didn't work. She couldn't focus on anything other than her and yes, it confused the hell out of her, since honestly, she had never felt anything towards another person, except for Brittany. She had never even thought it was possible for her to have feelings for someone else, other than the bubbly blonde that had broken her heart, but here she was; staring at Quinn in math class and feeling her heartbeat go faster than was healthy.

Santana didn't know what she was going to do. She was certainly not going to tell Quinn that she had feelings for her. No way. She'd rather die than do that; but then on the other hand, she didn't want to stand by and watch Quinn, who was now single, get involved with someone and not do anything about it. She didn't know if she was able to see yet another girl she had feelings for be with someone else.

She knew Quinn was straight, hell; the girl even got herself knocked up. Santana was aware of the fact that there was no chance in hell the girl would ever be into her. It was hard. Why did she always have to fall for the wrong girls, the girls that would never like her back? She hated it. She hated that she could only stand by and watch those girls be happy, be in love with someone else.

Why did they never choose her?


	2. Conversations and Guilt

**A Touch and a Smile – Chapter 2: Conversations and Guilt**

"Hey, San!"

Santana turned around when she heard the all too familiar voice of her previous best friends. She faced Brittany and looked at her.

"Britt." She said coolly.

Brittany pouted slightly and then bit her lip.

"Can we hang out again? I kind of miss you and tonight Artie and I have nothing planned, so I was wondering if maybe, you and I could do something together. Maybe watch a Disney movie. I love that." She told Santana with a happy smile, as she thought of the movies they could watch.

'Tonight Artie and I have nothing planned'? Seriously? So, Brittany knew she would be lonely and then suddenly, Santana was good enough? No way. Santana Lopez was not second choice; never.

Even though the raven haired girl was angry, she just shook her head and calmly said: "No, I don't want to watch a movie with you, Brittany, and I don't want to hang out with you."

She didn't want to hurt Brittany or make her sad, since that broke her heart, but she just couldn't be friends with Brittany anymore. Not so soon, not like this. She knew that being friends with the blonde would torture her. She still loved Brittany, even if she didn't want to. That would probably never change but now; she realized that Brittany would never be able to give her what she needed. She needed someone that wanted _her_. That wouldn't choose someone else over her. She needed someone that was able to see when she was hurting, when she needed space, like she did now. And look, Brittany just proved that she couldn't sense that. She didn't know that the best thing she could do was give Santana space. Especially since she was the one that caused the heartache Santana was going through. And yes, the blonde girl had the right to be with whoever she wanted, and Santana was glad that the girl was happy, but that didn't mean that they could still be friends and that Santana had to continue torturing herself with being close to Brittany, but not being able to be as close as she wanted to be. That was just cruel and it would simply kill her.

"Why not?" Brittany asked, sounding quite hurt.

Santana sighed as she closed her locker and looked at Brittany.

"I told you that I loved you and you… you just push me aside for a stupid boy who you've known for a year, maybe a bit more. We've been…" She lowered her voice. "… kissing and having sex for years, I've loved you since we met and without any trouble, you push me aside for him. Do you know how much that hurt me? Do you know how much I've cried over you?"

Yes, she had decided to be honest with Brittany, and she wasn't too bad ass to admit that she had been crying over the blonde. Right now, it wasn't about being bad ass. Right now, it was about being honest with her and making sure that Brittany understood why she was acting like this, and what she felt.

She continued: "Being close to you and not being able to actually _be_ with you, be your girlfriend, and be the one you love… It just hurts too much, Brittany. It… makes me go crazy and I don't want that. I don't want to hurt anymore. Seeing you with him… that's already hard enough, so, I'm sorry but I can't be your best friend anymore. Not right now; maybe when I'm completely over you, but that'll take some time." She told her before she sighed again.

"Bye, Britt." She added before she turned around and walked away, feeling tears pool in her eyes.

She hurried to the girls' bathroom and tried to recollect herself while she held onto the sides of the sink, letting her head hang down. She took a deep breath, feeling the walls that were always there, rebuilding themselves. She couldn't show anyone that she was breaking inside, she couldn't show what she was feeling because that would make her weak. She couldn't afford that.

_****_

Quinn walked down the hallway and saw Santana standing at her locker. The last few days she had paid a little closer attention to Santana and had noticed that Santana and Brittany were almost never together anymore. Yes, she knew that something had happened between them, ever since she had witnessed the conversation her two best friends had in the hallway. She didn't know what Brittany said to make Santana cry but she knew it had happened.

Seeing Santana cry was something she had never seen before, except for that one time at the funeral of the Latina's grandfather. And off course Quinn had seen faux crying of the Latina, she was quite a good actress, but Quinn meant real tears, tears of pain and hurt. The tears the girl had shed when Brittany had said whatever she said to the raven haired girl.

It worried Quinn because seriously, Santana without Brittany was scary. Normally, Brittany just had to tell Santana she was going too far and the Latina would glare at her friend but she would shut up and leave everyone alone. Now, no one could stop the flowing of the 'snix juice' and Quinn hated it, because she was on the receiving end of it and it hurt sometimes. Everyone knew that Santana's words could be as sharp as a knife.

But she liked the Latina. She always had, ever since they met in kindergarten. Even though Quinn wasn't the prettiest girl - see the nickname Lucy Caboosey - Santana still allowed her on the cool kids' squad and threatened to hurt anyone who wasn't nice to her. Yes, even in kindergarten it had been very much cool kids vs. uncool kids.

Quinn knew something more than friendship had been going on between the dark and light haired girls, at least until that particular conversation. That was quite clear. She had walked in on them kissing so it was safe to say that she was very aware of how intense their relationship was. They had never talked about it though. They just had this silent agreement to never talk about it, especially not with other people. She had heard them do all kinds of stuff which freaked Quinn out at the time. Was it okay to be friends with two lesbians, or at least bisexuals?

When she had asked herself those questions, she had just taken a deep breath and told herself that it was none of her business. Brittany and Santana were still the same people that they had always been, only now she knew that they were engaging in… sexual activities with each other.

Quinn was still walking through the hallways when she saw Brittany arriving at Santana's locker. She stopped mid step and leaned against the lockers behind her and watched them.

She could see Santana struggling and Brittany being oblivious to the girl's hurt… but then again, wasn't Brittany always oblivious to basically everything? She liked the blonde, she really did but sometimes Brittany hurt people. Quinn knew that the girl was aware of the fact that she was hurting people, but she just used her cute innocence to get away with it.

When she saw the hurt look on Brittany's face and Santana on the verge of tears, she knew something was wrong. She saw Santana walk away and Brittany looking down at the tips of her shoes. Quinn debated what to do: go to Brittany or follow Santana.

She decided on following Santana, because the raven haired girl seemed more hurt than Brittany, and Brittany had a boyfriend to go to, right?

Quinn walked after Santana and saw her go into the girls' bathroom. She decided to give the girl a little time to herself so she slowed her step. Eventually, she arrived at the door of the bathroom and walked in.

_****_

Santana looked up and into the mirror. It only took her a few seconds before she noticed Quinn. Her first reaction was to smile at her, just because she looked beautiful and angel-like, as she always did but then, her face hardened again, because she didn't want to show anyone that she was hurting. She didn't like to show her soft and emotional side to anyone. It made her feel vulnerable, and she hated that feeling.

"What do you want, preggers?" She asked in a cold, bitchy tone. To her irritation, Quinn let out a little laugh.

"Oh, come on, Santana. I thought you would have come up with a new and better nickname by now." She told her, seemingly amused.

Santana's jaw tightened. She didn't like anyone doubting her awesomeness with nicknames, especially not Quinn since she hated it when she made fun of her. That was even worse than if it was anyone else. "Fuck you, Fabray." She said.

She knew it was a weak comeback. She didn't really feel like fighting today. The conversation with Brittany had left her emotionally exhausted. Yes, it had been a short conversation but Santana was not used to saying what she was really feeling, so for her, it had been really hard.

Quinn walked closer to Santana and laid her hand on Santana's shoulder. "Are you okay, San?" She asked concerned.

Santana shrugged Quinn off. She didn't want Quinn to see her like this; hurt; in emotional pain. She really didn't want that. Also, that touch had caused her skin to tingle and that just threw her back in time to the first time that Brittany had held her hand. She had felt the same and right now, that was not a good memory. It only made her heart ache more and she couldn't take more of that.

"I'm okay." She bit before she made her way out of the bathroom, leaving a concerned Quinn behind.

Yes, Santana was angry with herself. She liked Quinn and now she treated her like that? Way to go, she said sarcastically to herself. Yes, she knew that Quinn wouldn't feel the same for her but you have to understand that having a crush on someone that you know you can't have, gives you two completely different feelings.

One of them is the feeling that tells you to stay as far away from them as possible because you don't want to get hurt. You don't want to completely fall for them and then get your heart broken. You don't want to put yourself through that hurt that could be avoided by just staying away from them.

The other feeling, however, is the one that makes you want to get as close to them as possible. The feeling of wanting to touch them, show them how much you they mean to you. Show them that being with them is what truly makes you happy. It's also the feeling of hope that you always, have somewhere and that you maybe even hold onto. It's the hope that somehow, they will like you back. That feeling is stronger most of the time and is the cause of a lot of heartache.

Santana knew that but still, she couldn't help but only act on the second feeling. She tried to ignore it, she knew that she was making the same mistake as she made with Brittany but she can't help it. It was something that she couldn't help and she hated herself for it.

She made her way to her next class and cursed to herself when she realized that she had this class with Brittany and Quinn. Really, the universe hated her today. She sat down in the back of the class and sighed while she put her books on the table.

She watched Brittany enter the class room, still looking as sad as she had looked at the lockers and Santana felt a pang of guilt, but it didn't last long. Brittany was the one that hurt her in the first place, not the other way around.

Then, Quinn entered with a blank expression. Santana watched her as she sat down and took what she needed for this class. Santana looked down at her desk and shook her head a bit. She shouldn't have snapped at Quinn like that, not when they girl was only concerned about her, but Santana Lopez _did not _apologize so she wasn't going to, either… but she wanted to. She really did.

_**Author Notes:**_ Thanks to _LostInNaya'sEyes_ and _a mysterious guest_ for the reviews. Also, thanks to the people that added me and/or the story to their alert/favorite lists. I hope you'll continue reading and enjoying my story.


	3. Trying To Get Over Her

**A Touch and a Smile – Chapter 3: Trying To Get Over Her**

Santana walked into the choir room and was immediately met with the sight of Brittany on Artie's lap, cuddling, giggling, and being all cute and coupley. Disgusting, Santana decided as she walked to her familiar seat in the back. She didn't want to see that crap. Seriously, couldn't they just get a room?

Santana frowned, crossed her arms and looked down. Fuck, she was jealous. And fuck, she hated herself for it. She was better than this, wasn't she? She sighed.

She was getting over Brittany, seriously, she was getting there but it still hurt. Her first love… did not love her back. It stung, and it made her feel bad. What did Artie have that she didn't have? At least she had legs that worked. And they were damn hot too. She could make Brittany scream her name and give her an orgasm that lasted for about a year or two. She had protected Brittany and she would have done everything for her, anything to keep her safe and happy. And this is what she got in return?

Yes, she knew that Brittany wanted to be more than fuck buddies and at first Santana was not ready for that but then, when she was finally there, when she was finally ready to admit to herself that she was really into girls and wanted a real relationship; where they'd go on dates, hold hands and maybe someday, do that in public… Brittany did this, she just dropped her.

Santana bit her lip to prevent tears from falling; tears that no one saw and no one cared about, tears that went unnoticed by others. She took a deep breath, recollecting herself once again. She looked up and saw the back of another blonde's head.

There was also Quinn that kept going through her mind.

They hadn't really spoken ever since that incident in the bathroom a week ago. They shared looks but Santana was always quick to look away, since she knew that Quinn suspected something was going on. She didn't want anyone to know. She just couldn't handle it. It made her feel so vulnerable and weak.

Her feelings for the blonde were also confusing her but she was still trying to push those away. She wasn't ready for yet another disappointment. She didn't know if she could get through that.

She heard the talking around her die down and the voice of their Glee teacher filled the room instead. She looked up and decided to pay a little bit of attention. She needed to get her mind of things right now.

"So, guys, the assignment for this week is 'Feelings'." Mr. Schuester announced and Santana already regretted listening.

"What are you feeling? What do you want to express? Do you have frustrations? Are you hopelessly in love? Confused? Choose a song to express the main feeling you have or something that you are struggling with." He explained and Santana sighed.

She didn't really want to do sing a song about what she was feeling, she really didn't, but she knew that she had to and maybe this would be good for her. She needed to express her feelings somehow, right? Maybe it was time to get over Brittany, to start becoming her old self again and just simply be happy. Yes, Brittany and their relationship, or whatever it was that they had, would always be a sore point but someday, she hoped that she would be able to look back on it and smile. Smile because it was a beautiful memory and smile because it was something that she got through as a stronger and wiser person. She just needed a song that explained finally getting over somebody, being ready to move on but that also expressed how hurt she was because that was still a big part of how she was feeling right now.

* * *

"Santana," Mr. Schue said but Santana didn't react, she was lost in thought, still wondering if this was a good idea or not. "Santana? Are you okay?" Came the concerned voice of her teacher.

Santana's head snapped up and she nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." She snapped, still acting tough, as she stood up and walked to the middle of the choir room.

Most people had said something before their performance but Santana was just quiet and nodded at the band to start playing.

She took a deep breath and started singing.

**Now that it's all said and done,  
I can't believe you were the one  
to build me up and tear me down,  
like an old abandoned house.  
What you said when you left  
Just left me cold and out of breath.**

She squeezed her eyes shut because she just didn't want that memory of Brittany saying she didn't want her to invade her mind and make her start crying. She really didn't.

**I fell too far, was in way too deep.  
Guess I let you get the best of me.**

**Well, I never saw it coming.**

It had really surprised Santana when Brittany told her that she didn't choose her. Brittany had always come running to her, had always wanted Santana more than whatever boyfriend she had at the time. The Latina was always more important than anyone else and now, when Santana was finally ready to return those feelings… she couldn't because somehow, some guy was better than her.

**I should've started running  
a long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.  
I'm slowly getting closure.**

She was happy for that. She was really starting to get closure. It was going slow but it was happening. She was really starting to feel better, at least compared to how she had felt the first month after their locker conversation.

**I guess it's really over.  
I'm finally getting better.  
And now I'm picking up the pieces.  
I'm spending all of these years  
putting my heart back together.  
'cause the day I thought I'd never get through,  
I got over you.**

She looked up and into the crystal blue eyes of Brittany that were slightly filled with tears. The song sounded aggressive, angry even and Santana was angry, but that was nothing new. Santana was always angry at someone or because of something, but Brittany had never known Santana's anger so pure and towards her. It must make the blonde sad but right now, the Latina didn't care.

**You took a hammer to these walls,  
dragged the memories down the hall,  
packed your bags and walked away.  
There was nothing I could say.  
And when you slammed the front door shut,  
a lot of others opened up,  
so did my eyes so I could see  
that you never were the best for me.  
**  
**Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
a long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.  
I'm slowly getting closure.  
I guess it's really over.  
I'm finally getting better.  
And now I'm picking up the pieces.  
I'm spending all of these years  
putting my heart back together.  
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,  
I got over you.**

**Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
a long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.**  
**  
**She finished the song and clenched her jaw before she relaxed it again. She licked her lips, which she sometimes did when she tried not to let her feelings show, and then just walked back to her seat. She saw Mercedes and Kurt whispering to each other, probably trying to figure out who it was about. She knew they'd never figure it out, or at least she hoped that they wouldn't.

"Very good, Santana… very powerful. Good job." Mr. Schuester said.

Santana rolled her eyes. Wow, that was really deep. She had just sung about getting over someone and he didn't even ask if she was alright. Not that she really cared that he didn't ask but seriously? Did no one care? The looks of her teammates were more curious than concerned. She was sure that if it was the hobbit or Lady Lips that had sung this song, everyone would be all over it, asking if they were alright but if Santana sung something, it was only interesting, no one really cared if Santana was hurting or not. She would get through it, right?

And yes, Santana was very aware of the fact that she was a ginormous bitch and that she wasn't the most amazing person to be around but still, they kept talking about this being a family and all that stuff but she hadn't really felt anything like that. Those divas only cared about themselves. And then they called her heartless… At least she didn't pretend to care.

She looked up, just because she wanted to see who was up next and she was met by hazel orbs that belonged to the previous head cheerleader. What she saw was concern; pure concern. She saw eyes that asked if she was alright, if she needed someone. Santana just swallowed and looked back down. She couldn't do this right now.

* * *

"Hey, Santana, wait up!" Quinn called out.

Quinn was walking towards her car when she saw Santana walking towards her own.

She had been planning on talking to Santana for a while now but the Latina just didn't let her close. Not that it was anything new but the blonde sensed her old friend might need someone even though she maybe didn't realize it herself.

Santana looked over her shoulder and saw a blonde jogging towards her. The raven haired girl stopped walking and let the blonde come closer.

"What do you want, Fabray?" She asked, really not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.

Quinn sighed. "I don't _want_ anything, Santana. I just…" She took a deep breath. "Look, I'm concerned about you. You haven't been yourself lately and that song today, just proved that something's not right. What is going on, Santana?" She asked, even though she was sure it had something to do with the ditzy blonde.

Santana glared at Quinn. "I'm fine." She told her.

"No, you're not." Quinn said with a shake of her head. "I know you long enough to know when something is bothering you."

"Right now, you are bothering me, stretch marks. So why don't get out of my face?" Santana told her.

Quinn sighed and let her fingers slip through her hair. "It's Brittany, isn't it?" She asked.

Santana was a little taken aback. "What are you talking about?"

"She's the reason why you're like this, right?" Quinn said, giving Santana a challenging look.

"Like what, exactly?" Santana questioned, not impressed with Quinn. The blonde would have to do a little bit more to break through her walls.

Quinn placed her hand on her hip and shook her head again. "Don't act like you don't know, Santana. You never say a word, and when you do talk, you're an even bigger bitch than you normally are and it's because of Brittany. I don't know exactly what happened between you two, but there is something." She told Santana.

Santana took a step back and sighed. "Nothing is wrong, okay?" She said a bit less aggressive than before. She just wanted to get out of here. She didn't want anyone to know anything about any of this. She turned around and started walking back to her car, hoping the blonde would just give up.

Quinn got that angry look in her eyes. Why didn't Santana let her help? Why was it so damn hard for the Latina to accept someone's help? "I'm sorry she broke your heart." She called after Santana.

The dark skinned girl froze mid step. Quinn's words echoed in her head. Quinn knew. She slowly turned around, not realizing that there were now tears in her eyes. "H-How do you know?" She managed to get out.

Quinn shrugged, not commenting on the tears in her friend's eyes, figuring that wouldn't help at all. "I just know." She told her. "Look, if you ever need to talk… you know where I am, okay?"

Santana just looked at Quinn for a while before she saw the girl sighing and turning around to walk to her own car. Santana bit her lip and looked at the ground. She didn't know if she would take the blonde up on that offer. She wasn't sure if she could talk about Brittany. She didn't know if she could talk about it without crying and the last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of someone, especially not Quinn.

She was also scared to actually fall in love with Quinn, which she knew was bound to happen if she got closer to the blonde. She was attracted to her, no denying that and yes, she already knew a lot about Quinn but that was the old Quinn. The one that existed before the baby was born, before they grew apart. Right now… they were just old friends. They weren't anything more. But getting closer to Quinn would mean getting to know her better, which could possibly result in falling for her.

She wouldn't be able to handle the disappointment when yet another person rejected her.

But even if she knew all that, it didn't stop her from standing in front of Quinn's door a few days later, waiting for the blonde to let her in.

* * *

_**Author Notes:** _Thanks to everyone who reviewed or added me or the story to their favorite/follow list. I really appreciate it. Keep reading and enjoying.

The song I used is Chris Daughtry - Over You


	4. Really Getting Over Her

**A Touch and a Smile ****– Chapter 4: Really Getting Over Her **

_Previously: ... But even if she knew all that, it didn__'__t stop her from standing in front of Quinn__'__s door a few days later, waiting for the blonde to let her in._

* * *

The door opened and Santana looked at Quinn, before she licked her lips and then bit her lip, something she always did when she got nervous.

"Hey, Santana, come in." Quinn said, not even asking why the Latina was here, probably because she already knew. She stepped to the side so that Santana could enter.

"Hi, Q," Santana greeted back, as she walked inside.

A few years ago, this house had sort of been like a second home for Santana. She used to spend hours and hours in this house with Brittany and Quinn when they were between the ages of 4 and 14. They would always come here because even if Judy and Russell were home, they never really paid much attention to them, so they could play and talk about whatever they wanted without anyone around looking or listening.

Quinn closed the door and looked at her friend. "Do you want something to drink?" She asked the raven haired girl.

Santana shook her head. Even if knowing that Quinn was looking at her made her nervous, she still wanted to be here but she just wanted to cut to the chase. She was here to talk, let her feelings out to someone she trusted and then, she just wanted to leave and never think about this ever again because she was still convinced that she should not to get too close to Quinn. She was sure that another heart break might kill her.

"Okay then." Quinn said as she walked up to Santana and smiled a soft smile. "Let's go to my room." She suggested.

Santana swallowed and nodded before she followed Quinn up the familiar stairs and in the blonde's bedroom. She sat on the bed and Quinn went to sit next to her.

A few minutes had passed and Santana still hadn't spoken. She didn't know how or where to start. She wasn't even sure if she really wanted to talk to Quinn, she wasn't sure about anything at the moment.

"San… why are you here?" Quinn asked, after the silence became too heavy for her to bear.

Santana was looking at her hands in her lap and shrugged. "Dunno." was her response.

Quinn touched Santana's knee and the Latina jumped slightly, not only because she hadn't expected the blonde to touch her but also because of the feelings it awoke. She swallowed.

"What happened?" Quinn wanted to know, because she knew that Santana did know why she was here.

Santana bit her lip nervously. She had never really spoken about her attraction towards girls. She had never talked about her relationship with Brittany and really, it scared her to talk about it, especially with the conservative Christian girl next to her.

"Santana, you can tell me." Quinn told her, trying to reassure her.

Santana took a deep breath. She had to tell someone, someday so she should just say it and get it over with.

"I'm gay." She told Quinn.

She expected an 'ew' or at least a little bit of a surprised reaction, instead she got… nothing. She looked up at Quinn. Maybe the girl had just died because she realized she had a gay best friend. Instead, Quinn just smiled.

"San, I've known that since I walked in on you and Brittany kissing… on my bedroom floor by the way. I've always known. I'll admit, I thought you were bi but I mean, what does it change; nothing, right? You're still Santana, only now I know you like girls. I don't really care." She told the raven haired girl.

Santana blinked a few times. Right, Quinn had walked in on them kissing. She had forgotten about that in her state of worrying.

Yes, Quinn had said a few days ago that she was sorry that Brittany had broken her heart but she didn't know that Quinn actually knew that she was into girls. She figured that the blonde thought she was just exploring.

"Besides," Quinn continued. "I've seen you look in the Cheerios locker room…" Quinn added with a crooked smile.

Santana's eyes widened. "What? I never fucking look at chicks in the locker room! Since I knew I was a lesbian, I just turned to the wall and didn't look at all. Fuck you, Fabray." She said, more shocked than angry.

She didn't look at the other Cheerios… okay, maybe sometimes but that was totally not on purpose her eyes just… went straight to their boobs. She couldn't help it!

Quinn laughed.

Santana send her a playful glare. "You totally just said that to irritate me, didn't you? You're such a bitch." She told her but began to chuckle too. When the laughter died down, Quinn decided to continue their conversation.

"Now, what happened?" Quinn repeated her previous question. "I mean, between you and Brittany."

Santana swallowed, telling herself, promising herself that she wouldn't cry this evening, at least not in front of Quinn. She just couldn't.

"Brittany, she… she chose Artie over me." She told Quinn.

Voicing that to someone other than herself or Brittany made it even more real and she swallowed again, knowing that it would help push the tears away.

Quinn nodded understanding, showing that she cared and was here to listen.

"I told her that I love her and that I… that I wanted no one but her. I actually wanted to be with her, you know, something that she has always wanted. She always wanted for us to be a real couple and I was finally ready to make that step, maybe not publically but maybe we could have told the Glee Club or something but she… she told me that she loved me but that… she loved Artie too and that she didn't want to hurt him."

Santana's voice broke.

"She chose Artie over me. She chose a boy she knows for maybe a year over her friend… and lover, for years. I mean… how could she?" She asked as she looked up and a tear ran down her cheek.

Santana realized she was crying and cursed at herself before she furiously wiped the tear away. She felt Quinn's hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles. Santana allowed it.

"I'm sorry that happened to you, S. I really am. I know how much you loved her and…"

"Love her." Santana interrupted Quinn. "I still love her." She clarified.

Quinn sighed. "Santana, how long ago was this?" She asked the Latina.

"A few months, why?" She wanted to know, confused. Why did it matter?

Quinn looked at her and stilled the motions of her hand on Santana's back.

"She is still with Artie, isn't she? Don't you think that it's maybe time for you to move on? Get over her?" Quinn softly said.

Santana shook her head and let out a bitter chuckle. "It's not that easy, Quinn." She told her.

"I know it isn't and you're probably trying but… really, everyone misses the old Santana." Quinn told her.

Santana shook her head. "No, they don't." She told Quinn. "No one does. No one even gives a damn about me." She added.

Quinn frowned. "What makes you think that?" She asked.

Santana let her hand brush through her hair. "What makes me think that? Quinn, everyone can see that something is going on with me, yes, I am pretty good at pretending I'm okay but still… and when I performed that song, everyone was curious about who it was about. No one cared if I was okay, no one cared if I was hurting or not." She told Quinn.

Quinn shook her head no. "San, don't you know yourself by now? You're not the easiest person to approach and you don't really give people much reason to like you. And I'm not saying that you are a bad person, because I like you but for other people, who haven't known you since you were four… they find you intimidating and honestly, I can't blame them." She said as careful as she could.

Santana groaned in frustration. "Come on, I know that I'm a bitch and I'm proud of that because that's who I am but still, they talk a great deal about being a family and all that shit but I haven't noticed much of that, to be honest. Seriously, if it were the Dwarf or Lady Hummel up there singing about what they were going through, everyone would be all over it. They couldn't even _try_ to pretend that they actually cared about me. Then they dare to call me heartless… I mean, at least I don't lie about not caring a lot." She told Quinn.

The blonde shrugged. "They do care about you, Santana. It's just hard to deal with you sometimes."

"Yeah, whatever," Santana said, not in the mood to argue about this. She knew that she was hard to handle but… she would have loved someone to care about her; except for Quinn, there was no one. "But uhm… thanks, Quinn. Thanks for not… giving up on me, I guess. I really appreciate it." She told her friend.

Quinn smiled at Santana. "Hey, that's what friends are for, right?" She asked with a grin.

Santana nodded. "Yeah, I guess… you won't tell anyone right?" She asked.

"About the whole loving ladies stuff? Nah, I won't." Quinn said teasingly.

Santana glared at Quinn. "You're still such a bitch though." She said.

They looked at each other, still serious before they couldn't hold it anymore and bursted out in giggles and laughter. It was then that Santana realized she had really missed the blonde's company.

Santana looked at Quinn while she was laughing and couldn't believe she hadn't noticed how beautiful Quinn looked when she was laughing and relaxed like she was now. Yes, at school when Santana was looking (read: staring) at her, she laughed too but it was always a bit unnatural, a bit too polished. Now, she heard Quinn actually snort, kind of like a pig and Santana bursted out in a fit of giggles again.

Finally, their laugher died down once again and Santana smiled at Quinn while the blonde smiled back.

"I missed this." Quinn told her. "We should hang out more." She added.

Santana was still smiling but she felt her mouth freeze in that position.

This was it. What would she say?

Her mind told her to say no, tell Quinn that for a reason she'd figure out later, she didn't want that. She couldn't get closer to the blonde. She would fall for her, she could feel it and Quinn would reject her, just like Brittany did and it would leave her in the same spot as she was now.

Her heart however, told her to say yes and be close to the blonde. She wanted to get to know this Quinn, the one that seemed… more fun, more relaxed. She felt the actual need to be friends with her once again and yes, there was that spark of hope that made her think that maybe, for some reason, Quinn would like her back. She knew that it was crazy but she couldn't help it.

"Yes, we should." Was out of her mouth before she realized it. She couldn't take it back now.

"Great. Maybe tomorrow after Glee you could come back here and we can watch a movie and catch up? What do you think?" Quinn wanted to know and Santana nodded, maybe a tad too fast a little bit too eager, but Quinn didn't notice.

"Okay, that's a date then." Quinn said and Santana blinked fast and swallowed. Quinn didn't notice that either, but Santana was still shocked.

'_That's a date, that's a date, that's a date…' _went as a loop through her head for the rest of the evening, the night and the beginning of the next day.

* * *

_**Author Notes:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me or the story to their favorite/following list and also thanks to _LostInNaya'sEyes _and _a guest_ for their reviews/comments. I really appreciate it since I absolutely adore getting reviews, so if you have time, just let me know what you think about the chapter or the story, and you can always add suggestions or things you would like to see in this story. I promise that they'll be considered.


	5. Crushes and Denial

**A Touch and a Smile – Chapter Five: Crushes and Denial **

Santana's day had been going painfully slow. She wanted this day to be over so she could go to Quinn's and catch up with the girl while watching some chick flick she couldn't care less about.

She seriously couldn't wait to be alone with the pretty blonde again. She knew that for Quinn, the feeling must be completely different then for her. Santana was sure that Quinn was looking forward to spending time together but the Latina was also sure that Quinn was – in contrary to her – not secretly hoping that their hands would touch or that she would smile at her or that she'd be able to seek a peak at her cleavage. But… Santana was. She had come to terms with the fact that she was hopelessly crushing on Quinn and she couldn't help but think about all those things, although she was sure, she'd never tell the blonde. That would be the end of this friendship, for sure.

Right now, she was sitting in Glee, bored as ever. She surprised herself when she didn't feel that familiar sting when she saw Artie all over Brittany. She looked at them for a little bit and had to stop herself from shrugging before she looked back to the front of the class, where Kurt and Rachel were singing their little Broadway hearts out. She looked on, not really caring about the song or how beautiful it was. This was just going so amazingly slow, she was afraid she would actually fall asleep if it weren't for Quinn, sitting a few seats in front of her. She was basically staring at her, and not only because she was bored as fuck and didn't have anything to do. No, she just couldn't help herself.

When the bell finally rung, Santana shot out of her seat and made her way over to Quinn.

"Hey, Q; Are you ready to get outta here and have some fun?" She asked the blonde.

In the corner of her eye she saw Brittany's face, trying to figure out if they were going to have the kind of fun that she and Santana used to have. And yes, Santana detected a bit of jealousy. She smirked, feeling very happy that she still had that effect on the blonde.

"San? Hey, San? I said I was ready to go." Quinn said and that snapped Santana out of her thoughts.

"Oh, right, yeah, let's go." Santana told her and they walked into the hallway, towards the blonde's car.

Santana's mom had dropped her off at school this morning, which was pretty lame but otherwise, her car would be here and then how was she supposed to get to school tomorrow?

They were still walking when Quinn let out a little chuckle. Santana looked at her with a questioning look. "What?" She asked.

"You totally loved that Britt got jealous, didn't you?" She asked and Santana smirked evilly.

"Yup, sure did." She told the blonde and they both giggled.

Santana didn't understand why Quinn was basically making fun of her other best friend but she didn't really care right now. They arrived at the car and they got in.

"So, Q, what movie are we gonna watch?" Santana asked her friend.

Quinn shrugged. "I don't really know… maybe we could watch She's the Man?" She asked.

Santana glared at the ex-cheerleader. "What the fuck, Q?"

Quinn looked at Santana. "What? What's the problem…? Oh, yeah, it's a girl who dresses as a football player and stuff… I get it. I swear, I didn't suggest it because it's a bit lesbian. Seriously, I didn't. I mean, she falls for a guy so…" Quinn said, already regretting suggesting that. "We could always watch something else if you'd like."

Santana looked at Quinn and believed what she said, that she didn't mean to suggest it just because the main character looked kind of gay. "Yeah, whatever, let's watch it. I mean, I appreciate butch girls once in a while." She said with a crooked smile.

"You could hardly call her b…" Quinn said before her eyes went wide and she stuttered. "Not that I-I really get the whole butch/femme thing." She said and that was Santana's queue to burst out laughing.

"Seriously, you just proved you know about it. That you get butch, okay, I can kinda understand that but that you know that femme is the opposite? I mean is that something a good Christian girl should know?" Santana asked, through her laughter.

Quinn sighed, she was caught. "Okay, fine, I looked some stuff up yesterday after you left…" She told Santana.

"Porn?" Santana asked with a slight giggle. "Wanky." She added.

Quinn's eyes widened and she slapped Santana's arm. "What? No! I don't… I'd never… I… ugh, anyway, I just went on Wikipedia to like… find out more about… gay stuff so I know what I'm talking about and all, if you ever talk about it." She said.

Santana rolled her eyes and shook her head. "See, that's exactly why I didn't want to tell anyone. Everyone goes all weird on your ass once they know you're a lesbian. Seriously, I do not need a different or special treatment. I don't even know much about lesbian culture or whatever the hell you're supposed to call it. I basically just like to fuck girls," Quinn's eyes went wide when she said that. The mental images were not good…

Santana didn't notice and just continued. "I don't give a damn about the whole culture or community or whatever. I'm still the same bitchy Santana you always knew only now you know that I'm into chicks. No need to study the whole gay section of Wikipedia." She said.

Quinn nodded. "Okay, I'm sorry, San. I didn't know you'd feel like this. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything. I was trying to achieve the opposite."

Santana glanced at Quinn and shrugged. "It's okay. You were only trying to… be a good friend or something. It's alright."

They arrived at Quinn's house, both happy that they didn't have to be in the car much longer, since they both really didn't want the awkward silence that would follow. They quickly went inside and up the stairs, before they went to sit on the bed and Quinn popped the DVD into the DVD-player.

The girls had great fun, watching a movie, talking, even painting each other's nails.

Santana realized that talking and just being friends with Quinn was something that she had really missed, even more than she thought before this evening.

She could actually have real conversations with the blonde, even though they didn't really talk about heavy stuff; it was all light and fun. She liked Brittany and she had enjoyed the time they spend together but having serious talks with the ditsy blonde… that was a little too much to ask. When there weren't rainbow or unicorns involved in the conversation, Brittany wouldn't understand or Santana would have to explain almost everything, which she didn't mind really but being able to talk to someone who gets what you are saying… it's much more relaxing and enjoyable.

After this evening, Santana also understood exactly how attracted she was to Quinn; a whole lot. Everything the blonde did mesmerized her. How she smiled, how she talked, how she tucked that strand of hair behind her ear every few minutes, how she tried her best to be a good friend, how she talked with her hands… everything about Quinn was just perfect, it really was. If she'd get a dollar for every time she stared at the girl, she'd be rich.

Santana's mother rang the doorbell and the girls stopped laughing. They were still upstairs, just laying on their stomachs, talking and having fun.

"Oh, that's probably my mom." Santana said and Quinn nodded in understanding.

"Yeah, probably," Quinn told her with a nod and they both got off the bed.

They walked downstairs and Santana smiled at the blonde.

"I had an awesome time, Q." She said.

"Yeah, I had a great time, too." Quinn reacted before she smiled back and touched Santana's upper arm. Santana's mouth went dry but she managed to cover her obvious attraction towards the blonde up while Quinn opened the door and let her mother in.

Soon, Santana was done and Quinn closed the door with a sigh. "I'm in so much trouble." She murmured to herself, shaking her head.

She dragged herself up the stairs and let herself fall down on her bed.

This evening had been interesting, to say the least. It had been fairly normal _(except for the shiver that went down her spine when the mental images of Santana and some faceless girl entered her mind during the car ride),_ it was just an evening of two friends catching up… until they had the idea to paint each other's nails. It was nothing, right? But when Quinn touched Santana's hand, to apply the nail polish… something happened. It was like there was this electric, sort of warmth passing through her arm and then it spread all though her body. It was weird, something she had never experienced before.

What was this feeling that she had felt? And why was she feeling it? Was it because she knew that Santana was into girls? Was she just curious? Was this why it felt so wrong with Finn, and then with Puck? And what exactly was it that she was feeling? Was it just something she imagined, or had it actually been there? Was it a crush? Love?

Impossible

She was not gay. Quinn Fabray was not and simply could not be gay. No, off course she wasn't. She was just a little curious and it would go away. She had never felt this before, right? So why start now?

And no, looking at Rachel's legs was not the same as gay feelings and it was not because she liked how long and smooth and soft and delicious and… wow, wow, wow, she could not let her mind go there. No, she looked at them because she was insecure about her own legs, since she found that they were a bit big for her body and she just couldn't get them to be smaller, even if she almost ate nothing.

Yes, yes, that was what that 'attraction' was. It was just because she admired Rachel's body a bit, especially her legs.

Towards Santana, it was probably because she sort of looked up to her. Even if she wasn't on the cheerleading squad anymore, people still treated her like she was royalty. Santana was also able to keep a secret for years which was pretty admirable, right? Quinn knew that she would never be able to do that and her friend was also a really strong and honest person, so whatever she was feeling right now, was just admiration. Nothing more; nothing less; it was just that, plain and simple.

Quinn sat up and nodded her head firmly. Yes, that was how it was and how it would always be.

She had her life all planned out.

She would get out of this town, go to a university: Yale, Harvard, whatever, and then find a lovely man who she'd have two beautiful children with, a boy who she'd call Alexander and a girl that she'd call Grace. They'd also have a dog, called Blackie. She would have some lovely grandchildren and grown old with her husband. She would live happily ever after.

See? She was going to be happy and life was going to be perfect for her.

There was nothing to worry about. Quinn Fabray was perfectly normal.

_**Author Notes:**_ Hello everyone, sorry for not updating yesterday but it was not possible due to personal reasons. I have to say, this is not the best chapter I've written, simply because I didn't know what to write exactly, so, I chose for a description of the girls' evening, instead of writing it out fully, since, in my head, it were just light and fun conversations which is great to become better friends, but don't really do much for the storyline. I also wanted to write about Quinn's feelings and as you can see, she is in deep denial. I plan for this story to go on a little bit longer so it'll take a while before they are together. I hope that, even thought this was not the best, nor the longest chapter, you still enjoyed it. Please, let me know what you think by writing a review; I really love them and thanks to everyone that reads this fan fic and added me or the story or the favorites list. Thanks to _LostInNaya'sEyes_, _Joylinda_ and _two guests_ for their reviews.


	6. What Am I Going to Do?

**A Touch and a Smile – Chapter six: What Am I Going to Do?**

Little warning: This chapter contains NO Quinntana interaction. It is more about the emotional struggle that Santana and Quinn are going through right now. Next chapter will be about the interaction between the girls again. I felt like I needed to say this so you won't be too disappointed.

_**A month later…**_

Things had been going well between Quinn and Santana. Most of their evenings they spend together, they ate lunch together and in Glee, they were always sitting next to each other. People had started to notice that the two were becoming best friends and most people found it a bit weird.

It wasn't long ago that they were fighting in the hallways, and backstabbing each other whenever they got the chance so… why this sudden change?

Even Santana and Quinn didn't know the answer. All they knew was that they were really enjoying this time together. They went over to each other's houses; watched movies; giggled; read magazines; giggled some more; gossiped about whoever they could gossip about… they were the best of friends.

Santana loved hanging out with Quinn but it was becoming harder and harder for her to keep covering up her true feelings. It was so hard because whenever she was close to Quinn, she wanted to take her hand and hold it, never let go. When Quinn was standing with her back towards Santana, the Latina wanted to wrap her arms around the slim waist and nuzzle into those blonde locks, taking a deep breath and getting lost in the scent of the blonde. When she saw Quinn's legs… God, she just wanted to kiss all over them, touch every inch of them. She wanted to kiss that beautiful smile Quinn always wore whenever they were around each other. Santana was sure that it would taste as sweet as it looked. She was sure it would make her head spin, even more than just a simple touch of the blonde already did.

Santana was scared. Not scared because of her feelings but it was because Quinn was this perfect, future prom queen Christian girl who, was very accepting, yes, but certainly not gay. She couldn't be. Quinn was someone that just simply could not be gay and Santana didn't want to fool herself. She and Quinn: it would not happen; never. So, she had promised herself that she wouldn't talk about it, never admit it except to myself. But the truth was: Santana Lopez was in love with Quinn Fabray.

No, it was certainly not just a crush. It was love. The Latina was sure about that because Santana knew that if tomorrow, she had to jump in front of a car, to protect Quinn; she'd do it in a heartbeat. She knew because all Santana wanted to do was be close to the beautiful blonde; hold her, kiss her, love her, protect her, cherish her, even worship her. She wanted it all. She wanted to be Quinn's everything, and she wished for Quinn to be hers, too.

But… she had to settle for being her best friend. She had to settle for helping her with her homework, giving her advice on boyfriends or who not to date and she had to settle for being close to Quinn, but not as close as she wanted to be.

It hurt but she would get through this. She was not going to run away and hide from her feelings. She was just not going to express them. She was going to keep them to herself, talking about them, admitting that she had feelings towards the blonde… it would not make anything better or change the fact that they couldn't and wouldn't happen. She had no problem with having feelings for Quinn. That did not scare her, it did not ever surprise her… it just hurt. But Santana was used to emotional pain. It was all she had known for the past year or so. Another few months wouldn't be too bad.

Quinn on the other hand was freaking out. She was basically dying. She had feelings for her best friend; her _lesbian _best friend. There wasn't a night that went by without Quinn falling to her knees and praying to God that this was not real, that these feelings were just her imagination, and that she wasn't like this, that she wasn't attracted to a girl. That He would take these feelings away from her and make her normal.

She didn't want this. She didn't want to be gay. She just wanted to be a normal, straight girl. She didn't want to stare at Santana's red lips, and feel the urge to kiss them and suck on them, making them even redder. She didn't want to stare at Santana's breasts and wonder how they would feel in her hands, how they would taste beneath her tongue and how much of stimulation it would take to get those nipples hard. She didn't want to see Santana's hands and want them to be running all over her body and work their magic on her skin. She didn't want to look at Santana's legs and wonder how they would feel rapped around her waist, pulling her closer to the beautiful body that belonged to the Latina.

She wanted to look at Puck and wonder how it would be to kiss him again, to feel his hands on her body and his strong, muscular arms around her waist. How it would feel to hold onto his Mohawk as he kissed her neck. How it would feel to wrap her legs around his waist as he made her feel incredible things that she had never experienced before.

Or she wanted to feel this way for Sam, Finn or any boy, really; just someone that wasn't a girl.

Instead the only one on her mind was the beautiful Latina, with the gorgeous laugh and the body of a goddess.

She didn't want to push Santana away. The raven haired girl didn't deserve that. She was nothing but kind to Quinn. She knew that Santana would do pretty much anything for her and it was a great feeling and she actually needed that because for so long, she had felt like she had no one. Finally, she had someone that really cared for her.

Was that why she felt like this? Was she feeling like this because she felt somewhat safe and maybe even… loved when she was Santana? Because she wasn't lonely when she was with her?

But this was not something normal to feel, right? She had become kind of friends with Puck, too and she didn't feel anything like that towards him, even if she wanted to. All she felt was… friendship. While when she was with Santana, her feelings and her hormones just went in overdrive.

Right now, Quinn was laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling and debating what to do. She had no idea. The feelings in her stomach were making her go crazy and she buried her face in her pillow and let out a scream that no one heard.

This feeling was making her crazy. This was pure torture. She screamed as hard as she could and then, when she felt empty, sobs overtook her and she felt her pillow sucking up the tears that were leaking from her eyes.

These feelings were exhausting her.

She couldn't be this way. Her family would never accept it. Her religion didn't allow it and her mind was just not made for it.

… Do you know why Quinn can't stand Rachel? It's not because of anything that the brunette has done. When she met the little, Jewish girl in kindergarten, she had actually liked her but when she told her Dad that she was friends with Rachel Berry, her Dad had told her that she couldn't be because Rachel's family was wrong. That it was a sinful family and that she should not be around those people.

She was only five years old so, she believed her Dad, she believed her hero, and he was that back then. She stopped playing with Rachel and went to the girls that went to church with her; Santana and Brittany. Her father did approve of those friends so that's why they became her best friends.

Why she couldn't feel this because of her religion, well, that was easy. The Christian faith simply did not allow homosexual feelings. It was wrong, sinful and disgusting. She had heard Father Jacob say it over and over again. At least once a year he preached about it.

Quinn herself didn't mind gay or bisexual people. She accepted Kurt, Blaine, Santana and Brittany. They didn't bother her because she strongly believed that they were allowed to live their lives like they wanted to and that just because she was raised to believe it was wrong, did not mean that she had to force her believes onto them.

But now, she was at a point in her life where she needed to make a choice and she knew it. She was desperately trying to postpone it. She didn't want to make this decision but she had to.

What was she going to do?

Was she going to follow her heart; or her faith and her family?

If she followed her heart, she would have to start accepting herself for being lesbian or bisexual and she would have to try figure out what it was between her and Santana; if there was anything at all.

If she followed her faith and her family, she would push whatever she was feeling away and carry on with her pretty little Christian girl act. She would find herself a nice boyfriend that her parents would approve off and try to force happiness. She knew that she would be forcing it because that was what she had done when she was with Puck or Finn. She knew that a boy would probably never be able to bring her true happiness; at least, she thought so.

Quinn was aware of the fact that the second option would make her considerably less happy then the first one but was she ready to face this cruel and judging world? Was she ready to potentially lose her family? Was she ready to do something against her faith? Sure, she had sex before she was married and yes, she had done things that were wrong according to the Bible but that didn't mean that she wanted to do those things a lot or on purpose.

Quinn's tears stopped slowly and she sat up. She needed to talk to someone. She needed to let her feelings out. She needed someone that wouldn't judge or try to push her into a certain direction but that would also get what she was going through.

There was no one like that who she knew, so she had to get through this on her own. She sighed and closed her eyes as she rubbed her tired and probably red eyes. She rolled on her side and closed her eyes, trying to catch some sleep, so she wouldn't look like a zombie tomorrow. She imagined that someone was holding her and loving her, she smiled as she felt better with the illusion that there was someone here to protect her. The last thing she thought about before she was asleep, was that she was glad that even in her dreams and fantasies, Santana Lopez was still there to protect her and make her feel safe.

_**Author Notes:**_ Thanks to everyone that reviewed this story and/or added it or me to their follow/favorite list. It means a lot to me. A thank you to: _Eraygoza_, _LostInNaya'sEyes_, _Joylinda_ and _three guests_ for reviewing! Please, tell me what you thought of this chapter!


	7. I Should Have

**A Touch and a Smile – Chapter seven: I Should Have**

Santana and Quinn were sitting in the Latina's black bedroom, reading a fashion magazine with a bowl of popcorn between them. The popcorn was just because they were really hungry but didn't want to make actual food. They would just wait for Mama Lopez to come home and make them something, like she always did.

"Oh my God, why would she wear that? Her ass looks so fat." Quinn exclaimed.

"I bet that ugly thing cost a fortune too. What the hell was she thinking?" Santana asked, rolling her eyes.

Quinn threw her hand up. "Right? I mean, come on. Even I could make that." The blonde told her friend.

"Totally," Santana told her.

They both reached for the bowl and their hands bumped. Both of them felt their breath catch in their throats. Quinn licked her lips when their hands didn't move and just kept touching, their fingertips still lightly touching the popcorn. It was completely silent in the room and Quinn swallowed while Santana licked her lips nervously.

Quinn moved her hand so she was holding Santana's. It was so soft and amazing, this felt completely right.

"Quinn…" Santana whispered, not knowing what the girl was trying to achieve. Was she making a move on her? What?

Quinn glanced up at Santana and looked at her, a bit nervous and a bit scared. She didn't know why she did that but she never wanted to let go.

Santana looked at her and their eyes locked. There was this strong pull between them, urging them on to get closer to each other and not wanting them to ever part again. Quinn leaned a bit closer, giving in while Santana stayed in the same place she was.

"What are you doing?" Santana whispered again. She was trying to protect herself. She didn't want to get hurt when Quinn had her little experiment with a girl and then left her for a boy. She was not ready to get hurt again.

Quinn swallowed and shook her head, as if to say 'don't speak'. She lifted their intertwined hands up to her mouth and pressed the back of the darkest hand against her lips and kissed the soft, slightly salty skin before she looked back up to the Latina.

Their hearts were beating fast and yes, Quinn was scared; maybe even more afraid then Santana was but this was so amazing, she couldn't stop herself.

She lowered their hands again and looked at Santana who was now panting slightly, just a little. Quinn was in the same state. She watched as Santana leaned closer to her too. Their noses were only an inch apart. Their eyes were still locked and Quinn's hands were shaking, while Santana's were sweating.

They tilted their heads and leaned a bit closer again. Their lips were only inches apart and Quinn's eyes fluttered close.

"You should go." Santana breathed.

Quinn's eyes opened in surprise and she looked at Santana in confusion while she pulled back a little.

"Why?" She asked, confused.

Santana sat back against the headboard and let go of Quinn's hand. "I can't do this." She answered.

Quinn looked hurt and swallowed again. "I don't understand." She said, shaking her head.

Santana glanced at Quinn before she looked. "You're not gay. I am only going to end up hurt, just like what happened with Brittany and it nearly killed me. I can't go through that again."

Quinn shook her head. "That's not true. You don't know that I'm going to hurt you and you don't know if I'm gay or not."

Santana sighed. "I can't take the risk." She told her. "Please… leave." Santana whispered, feeling her heart break and tears started to fill her eyes.

"Santana, come on…" Quinn pleaded.

"Leave." Santana said sternly, looking up at Quinn, almost crying. "Just go." She whispered softly, broken.

Quinn bit her lip, to prevent tears from falling. She got up from the bed and made her way to the door. Santana could hear a sob that escaped the blonde's mouth before she left the room. Santana brought her knees up to her chin and let her forehead rest on her knees before sobs also wracked her body. She dug her nails into her legs as she tried to stop her tears but it didn't work.

She had wanted to kiss Quinn so bad. Pull her close and let her lips caress the blonde's but what Brittany had put her through… she couldn't do that again. Quinn would leave her one day, probably for a boy and Santana wouldn't be able to take it. She had to protect herself.

Quinn was running down the familiar stairs and out of the Latina's house. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and sobs were escaping her mouth. She made her way towards her car and sat down before she slammed the door shut and cried hard. She was right there, she was ready to kiss Santana and then, just like that, the raven haired girl just pulled away and said she couldn't.

Santana heard the slamming of the blonde's car door and flinched. She took a deep breath. She knew she had hurt Quinn's feelings and maybe she had lost her best friend. That realization made her cry even harder. She looked up and at her dark wall, feeling her tears making their way towards her chin.

The blonde in her car took a deep breath and decided that she should at least stop crying until she got home. She pulled out of the driveway and concentrated on the road as if her life depended on it and drove until she was home, where she ran inside and into her room.

In the black bedroom, Santana heard Quinn's engine start and heard her drive away. She got angry at herself. She had just fucked up one of the best friendships she had ever had, and she wanted Quinn, she really did. Why did she have to get so damn scared? Why did what Britt had done follow her? She wanted to be with Quinn, and she had just fucked that up royally.

Quinn's face was buried in her pillow and the aching in her heart kept on getting worse. She felt as if it was literally ripping in two. She had been willing to act on her feelings, she had been willing to take the risk of losing her family and potentially her faith… and then Santana did this. She rejected her and it hurt more than she could have ever imagined.

That is why when Puck asked her out for the millionth time, Quinn said yes. That is why she kissed him, desperately trying to focus on him and not trying to imagine it was Santana… failing miserably. That is why on Monday, Quinn walked into the school holding his hand, instead of the soft and gentle one she had held days before that. That is why Santana's jealous look followed the pair around all day.

That is why now, in Glee, Santana's hands turned into fists while Puck was in the front of the class, singing Born to Be My Baby by Bon Jovi to Quinn and seriously, Santana was ready to munch him so hard he would never be able to say 'baby' again. When she looked at Quinn's obviously _fake_ happy look, she couldn't help but feel regret for her actions. She should have kissed her. She should have taken the chance because right now, she felt damn miserable and she was missing the beautiful more than she thought she would.

Quinn looked at Puck and while she was doing her best to act as if she found this romantic and heartwarming. She liked Puck but… this was such a big mistake and she knew it. The crazy thing was, she was not planning on changing the situation. Being with Puck was better than trying to get Santana to be with her. Santana was still way too hurt about what had happened with Brittany, she was not ready to trust someone again and maybe it was better this way, Quinn thought. She wouldn't have to lose her family now, even though they still didn't like Puck, since he knocked her up and all but at least he was a boy so… that was good, right? She gave herself a little pat on the back… although she couldn't say she was particularly happy.

Santana got her, listened to her and even though Puck was a good listener, he wasn't really that interested in her and he certainly didn't understand her. Still, she knew that she couldn't be with Santana. She didn't want her and Quinn knew that she would regret it if she got involved with the Latina.

Puck's song ended and everyone clapped while Santana just sat there with her arms crossed, looking pissed off as ever.

Kurt leaned closer to Mercedes. "Have you seen the look on Satan's face?" He asked her.

Mercedes giggled. "She's jealous. She wants Puck I guess." She told him.

"I thought that was over a long time ago…" Kurt told his friend with a confused look.

"Well, apparently not." Mercedes told him with a shrug.

After Glee, Santana made her way to the auditorium and went inside. She took a deep breath. She shook her head and balled her fist. "Fuck!" She yelled into the quiet auditorium, punching one of the seats, making some dust escape into the air.

She walked to the stage and took a guitar that was standing lonely in a corner. No one knew that she could play but she could. Her dad had thought her that. She put a high chair behind the microphone and placed the guitar on her knee and began to play the familiar chords. She may pretend like she hated One Direction but hey, they were pretty good.

She moved her head with the rhythm of the song and closed her eyes before she began to sing the song. She sung it slow and with soul, because she meant every word of it.

**I keep playing inside my head  
All that you said to me  
I lie away, just to convince myself  
This wasn't just a dream**

'Cause you were right here and I should've taken the chance  
But I got so scared and I lost the moment again  
It's all that I can think about, oh, you're all that I can think about

Quinn walked through the hallways. She needed to be alone for a minute. Puck was acting like a stalker or maybe she just felt like that because every time he got too close it felt awkward and just not right. She didn't like the way he looked at her and wanted to kiss her all the time. She didn't want to kiss him; he should just… keep his distance. But could she say that to someone who was her boyfriend for only a few days? Wasn't she supposed to be all over him?

**Is your heart taken?  
is there somebody else on your mind?  
I'm so sorry, I'm so confused  
Just tell me, am I out of time**

Quinn finally made her way to her safe haven. Other than Berry, no one was ever in there and if Rachel was indeed there, it didn't take long for the HBIC look to have its effect and make sure the brunette was gone within seconds. When she opened the door, she saw one of the saddest but also most breathtaking sights she had ever seen.

**Is your heart breaking  
How do you feel about me now  
I can't believe I let you walk away  
When, when I should have kissed you**

Santana sat on a high chair, a little bit bend forward to make sure she was singing into the microphone, so her voice filled the whole space. Her hair was hanging loose around her face, forming a curtain in front of her eyes. Her fingers were slowly but beautifully playing the guitar. The Latina was wearing a tight jean and a colorful top that normally would have looked happy and cheery. Now, the colors seemed to have darkened and saddened together with the person that was wearing them. One single, cold, white spotlight was on Santana, making it look breathtakingly sad.

**I should, I should ooh, I should have kissed you  
I should, I should ooh, I should have kissed you  
I should, I should ooh, I should have kissed you  
I should, I should ooh, I should have kissed you**

Quinn gasped quietly as realization hit her. Maybe Santana hadn't rejected her because she didn't want her. Maybe she was just scared? How did she never think of that before? Off course she was! Brittany had basically torn her apart. Brittany had hurt her so much, no wonder that the raven haired girl was scared to get into another relationship.

**Every morning when I leave my house  
I always look for you  
I see you every time I close my eyes  
what am I gonna do...  
And all my friends say  
that I'm punching over my weight  
But in your eyes I  
saw how you were looking at me  
It's all that I can think about  
you're all that I can think**

But then Quinn thought about Puck. She couldn't do this to him. Puck was her boyfriend and he cared for her, she knew that. Being with him was the solution, right? Her parents would eventually accept him, her religion wasn't against being with a guy and yes, he was Jewish but… that was pretty close to being Christian, so… that wasn't too bad. She knew she would never be completely happy but she had accepted that. She simply couldn't risk everything for Santana. She knew this now.

**Is your heart taken?**

Yes, by Puck; Quinn answered in her head. Yes, by you, Santana; her heart said.

**Is there somebody else on your mind?**

Yes, Puck. No, you're the only one.

**I'm so sorry, it's so confusing  
just tell me- am I out of time?**

Yes. No.

**Is your heart breaking?**

No. Yes.

**How do you feel about me now?**

I don't feel anything for you. You're the one I want.

**I can't believe I let you walk away when,  
when I should have kissed you…**

Quinn thought back at that evening, only days ago. She had been so sure. So sure of what she was feeling. She wanted Santana. She was ready to be with her and give this a try and to see where they could go. But then Santana told her to go before she could kiss her and it hurt so much. She felt absolutely crushed.

**I should, I should ooh, I should have kissed you  
I should, I should ooh, I should have kissed you  
I should, I should ooh, I should have kissed you  
I should, I should ooh, I should have kissed you**

What Quinn didn't realize that Santana saw her standing there, just inside the auditorium, looking more thorn up inside than ever. Santana knew it was now or never. She had to convince Quinn to give them another shot, to give her another chance. She had been so scared but if she had known that she would feel so miserable, she would have kissed Quinn. She would have told her that she wanted to be with her and she wouldn't feel so beat up inside. It was really like someone had been punching her in the heart and the stomach because everything felt painful and bruised.

**When you stood there  
Just a heartbeat away  
When we were dancing  
And you looked up at me  
If I had known then  
That I'd be feeling this way  
If I could replay  
I would have never let you go  
No, never let you go**

**No, oh...  
Never have let you go...  
Am I out of time?**

Is your heart taken?  
Is there somebody else on your mind?  
I'm so sorry, I'm so confused  
Just tell me, am I out of time?

Is your heart breakin'?  
How do you feel about me now?  
I can't believe I let you walk away  
when, when I should have kissed you

Quinn noticed that Santana was staring right at her and she wanted to run out because she didn't want Santana to know she was in here but she couldn't. She was frozen in place and she felt her heart beating so fast that she was scared she might die soon. She listened to Santana finishing the song.

**I should, I should oh, I should have kissed you  
I should, I should oh, I should have kissed you  
I should, I should oh, I should have kissed you  
I should, I should oh, I should have kissed you**

The song ended and it was silent for at least five minutes before Quinn snapped out of her stare and turned around to leave when Santana whispered in the microphone: "Quinn…"

Quinn stopped moving.

* * *

_**Author Notes:**_ Hello, everyone. First of all the song I used was _I should've Kissed You by New Directions_. I'm not a fan but I do like their music.

Now, I also wanted to say sorry for not updating yesterday. I was really tired and I couldn't keep my eyes open, let alone write.

I want to give feedback to a review:

_Guest: Dude, she should talk to Rachel or Kurt... or even Blaine... they'll help, I'm sure. But regardless, I like this story. Quintana really doesn't get that much love..._

First of all, thanks for taking the time to write this comment but can I just say that I don't think that they would get what she is going through. Rachel's family is very accepting, so she wouldn't get the struggle with her family, not completely anyways, her faith is also not that strong, sure she is Jewish but not really that committed, right? And she's not even gay. Kurt is just the same, yes he is gay but his dad is very accepting and he isn't religious. Blaine is gay and his father is not accepting, but as far as I know, he isn't religious either. She wants someone that she can trust (Kurt is a gossiper…) and someone who will understand what she is going through. I don't think any of those people would totally get what she is feeling.

I felt like I needed to comment on it because I thought that maybe some other people were wondering why I didn't let Quinn go to them. Now you know. :)

Also,_ boringsiot_ I didn't really understand what 'sliding door' was and I couldn't send you a PM. What does it mean?

I'm sorry for such long Author Notes. I couldn't help myself. ;) Anyway, please review and thanks to everyone who reads, reviews _(all the guests, boringsiot, LostInNaya'sEyes and Joylinda) _and/or adds this story or me to any of their lists. I really appreciate it. It makes me very happy.


	8. Change Your Mind, Please?

**A Touch and a Smile – Chapter eight: Change Your Mind, Please?**

_**Author Notes (1): **_I just wanted to say how sorry I am for all the mistakes I made in the previous chapter… It was really bad and I'm sorry. :S

_The song ended and it was silent for at least five minutes before Quinn snapped out of her stare and turned around to leave when Santana whispered in the microphone: "Quinn…"_

_Quinn stopped moving._

Santana didn't waste time as she put her guitar to the side and jumped off the stage, not even bothering to take the stairs. She ran toward Quinn and placed her hand on Quinn's shoulder.

"Don't touch me." Quinn whispered, when she felt the familiar tingles that had started this confusion in the first place.

Santana pulled back as if she just got burned.

"Look at me." Santana softly ordered.

Quinn wanted to but was scared her determination would go away if she'd look into those deep brown eyes.

"Please, Quinn." Santana added and bit her lip. She wanted to make this right. She wanted to have another chance and be with the blonde.

Quinn swallowed, not able to resist and turned around, looking at Santana.

Santana took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." She began. "I'm sorry for telling you to go the other day. I… I wanted to kiss you but… I got… scared." Santana managed to get out. This was hard for her, putting her feelings into words had always been one of her weaknesses. "But, honestly, I'm tired of being scared. First I was scared to be with Brittany, and to be open about it but… with you… I don't want to be scared, Quinn. You make me want to be unafraid." She told Quinn and swallowed. "I don't know why you're with Puck now because every time we talked about him, you said he was just another Lima loser, but please, give me another chance. I know I fucked up by freaking out but Quinn…" She took Quinn's hand and held it. "… I want to make you happy. Please, let me." She was almost begging.

Quinn looked at Santana and had tears in her eyes. She couldn't explain how much she just wanted to lean in and kiss the Latina right now, tell her that it was alright, that she'd get her chance, that they could be together… but all she could do was shake her head with tears in her eyes.

"No, no, I can't. I can't do that to Puck and… and I should thank you." She said before she took a deep breath. "I should thank you for pulling away because it would've just been a mistake." Her voice was wavering. "I-I realize now that I don't want to live a life as a… sinner and I don't want to give up everything for you, for a life that won't make me happy. You can't give me what I need." Quinn told her and swallowed again as she saw the hurt in Santana's eyes. She pulled her hand out of Santana's grasp.

A lonely tear rolled down Santana's cheek. "That's such bullcrap." Santana said before she looked back up. The broken look was gone and her eyes were filled with fire. "That is such bullcrap!" She repeated. "How do you know that I can't make you happy? How can you be so fucking sure about that when you haven't even given me a fucking chance to prove to you that I can! And what is that shit about being a sinner? What is your problem Quinn? You got pregnant when you were 16, you weren't married back then, right? You eat stuff you shouldn't, you do stuff you shouldn't. Stop hanging onto a book that was written ages ago. Seriously, I get that you believe in God but damn, Quinn, what is so wrong with liking someone and wanting to make them happy? Does it really matter what gender you want? Quinn, you tried to kiss me, not the other way around so don't try to act like you're not attracted to me." Santana said and took a deep breath, knowing she was on the verge of yelling. She felt so powerless. "I get that you are scared, Quinn. I would be lying if I said I wasn't either but, please Q, just let me prove to you that I can make you happy."

Quinn bit her lip and she looked sad, so… thorn inside. "Santana, no, I can't. What would my life look like if I was with you? We would get bullied, my parents would throw me out again, people would stare at me if I went to church. And if we got older, I would even get the chance to marry you, and I've always dreamt of having kids… that isn't possible. People would always stare at us and I can't take that, Santana. I can't live like that and be happy." Quinn told Santana with a sigh and felt tears trickle down her cheeks too.

Santana got that determent look in her eyes and clenched her jaw. "If we were together, no one would even dare to look at you the wrong way because I would kick their asses and why do you even care about your parents? They kicked you out when you were pregnant, when you needed them the most. They didn't care about you. Do you really want those people in your life? And fuck church, you can pray everywhere. You don't need a stupid building for that." Santana told Quinn as she frowned and looked at her seriously. "You don't need a marriage to validate your love. We can always have some ceremony or whatever, who cares? As long as you love who you're with, what does it matter? And you can have kids as a gay couple. You can adopt, you can find a donor; there are options. And yes, people will always stare and always judge but does it really matter when you have who you love?" Santana looked at Quinn. "Come on, Quinn. I… I just want to be with you." She told the blonde.

Quinn looked at Santana and began to cry harder. "I can't. I want to but I can't." She said before she turned around and ran out of the auditorium. She heard someone calling her name, broken and hurt but she didn't react. She ran to the bathroom and locked herself into a bathroom stall. She couldn't do this. She knew she couldn't but she wanted to. She wanted it so bad but it was simply not possible.

Santana still stood in the same place and with every step the blonde took, her heart broke a bit more. Tears began to roll down her cheeks and she sobbed. She sobbed hard and let herself fall down on one of the seats in the auditiorium.

She had just lost Quinn, hadn't she? This was her last chance, Quinn would never want her now. She could hit herself for not kissing Quinn a few days ago. To just press their lips together and get lost in the amazing feeling that a kiss with Quinn would surely cause.

Santana tightened her jaw. No, she would not give up. She would fight for Quinn. She was not a quitter. She had never been so why start now? She rubbed her cheeks dry and took a few deep breaths before she balled her fists.

She stormed out of the auditiorium and mad eher way to the bathroom. She knew that Quinn wouldn't go to Puck, how would she explain why she was crying? Santana figured she would have gone to the bathroom so she went there.

She entered and heard someone sob. She took a deep breath. "Quinn, where are you?" She asked. The sobs stopped and for a few seconds it was silent. "Quinn, seriously, where are you? Which stall are you in?" She asked. When she realized she wasn't going to get an answer she began to look for feet in the stalls, the telltale sign that there was someone inside. She saw Quinn's shoes. She knocked on the door. "Open up, Quinn." She said.

"Go away." Quinn told her. Santana glared at the door. "No. Open up this fucking door or I'll climb in there. Your choice." She barked. She needed to see Quinn. She didn't know what she was going to do but she knew she had to see Quinn.

Then, she herd the sound of the lock being turned and slowly, the door opened, she came face to face with a crying Quinn, who was still busy trying to clear her face from all the tear. They looked at each other and neither knew what to say.

Without thinking, really, Santana took a step forward into the bathroom stall and bit her lip as she placed her hands on Quinn's hips.

Quinn knew she had to push Santana away, she knew she did but Santana's hands felt amazing on her hips and Quinn looked at Santana, not knowing what she was going to do.

Another step closer, Santana took and Quinn swallowed. This was wrong so wrong. Before she could push the Latina away soft, red lips were pressed against her own thin, pink ones.

She didn't kiss Santana back and in shock, she raised her hadns and tried to push Santana away who just kept on kissing her. Quinn kept trying to push her friend away but her attempts weakened. The last push she gave was barely a graze and then, she just got lost in the feeling of the amazing lips against hers and her hands slipped to Santana's back, pulling her best friend closer. She was kissing her back with full force and decided that this, this right here, was better than anything else she had ever experienced.

Santana was scared at first, Quinn was pushing her away and she wondered if what she was doing right now was punishable. She didn't think about that long though, because Quinn's lips felt like heaven. Quinn's attempts weakened and Santana got hope again. Maybe Quinn would give in. Maybe Quinn would be able to see now that they could be great together. Pure bliss filled her as she felt gentle yet strong hands on her back pulling her closer. Quinn had given in.

They stood there, both not knowing for how long, kissing each other. Not a deep kiss, it was more their lips pressed together and both trying to adjust to the idea that this, them together was probably going to happen.


End file.
